Been Told You're Too Blunt, Too Direct, or Hard to Approach?

Maybe You've Heard Feedback like:  

• “You’re abrasive and need to soften your approach.”

• “Your tone is harsh or intimidating.”

• “You don’t listen —you just tell people what to do.”

• “You seem unapproachable”

 "If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone.

 I’ll Never Forget the First Time I Was Told I Was ‘Unapproachable’

I thought I was crushing it at work. I got results. I met deadlines. I handled business.

So, when my manager pulled me aside and said, “Your team finds you unapproachable—you need to work on your empathy,” I was blindsided.

At first, I brushed it off. I’m here to get results, not babysit people. If they had a problem, why couldn’t they just say it?

But then, I started to notice things…

👀 My team fell silent in meetings or hesitated to speak up"

🚫 I wasn’t getting feedback or buy-in on my ideas as easily.

📉 And despite my hard work, I was being overlooked for key opportunities.

That’s when it hit me—leadership isn’t just about what you say, it’s about how people experience you.

I had a choice: Keep ignoring the feedback and stay stuck… or make small, strategic shifts that would change the way people responded to me without me losing my edge.

I chose the second path, and now I’m giving you the exact framework I wish I had back then.

You might be at this crossroads right now. And what you do next matters more than you think.

🚨What Happens If You Ignore This?

You might be thinking: “I don’t want to change who I am to please people.”

Here’s the thing, this isn’t about changing who you are. It’s about enhancing how you connect so that your leadership is respected and transformative.

Because if you keep brushing off this feedback, here’s what’s at stake:

❌ Your team will disengage. If people feel unheard or undervalued, they check out—or worse, push back against your direction and question your authority.

❌ You’ll struggle to get buy-in. Even great ideas get ignored if the delivery makes people feel like you don't care about them as individuals. 

❌ Your leadership reputation can take a hit. Once people perceive you as "hard to approach" or "too intense," it becomes harder to shift their perspective—no matter how capable you are. reversing that perception is an uphill battle.

❌ Your leadership reach hits a ceiling. While impressive titles and technical expertise can earn you a seat at the table, your ability to drive change depends on how well you can inspire action. Without strong influence skills, you'll find yourself with the title but not the impact. You’ll watch your initiatives stall and your vision get stuck in the implementation phase.

So, What’s The Move?

The key isn't dimming your light—it's learning to harness its full power so others are drawn to your strength, not intimidated by it.

Opportunities go to leaders who can command attention AND connection.